Something Here Is Terribly Wrong - Epiode 88

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By Meesh

I believe the last time I kept you fuckers updated it was for hurricane Katrina. Well three years later we're looking at another hurricane headed for my old Louisiana home. This time the son of a bitch is called Gustav. Sounds like some burly French Canadian lumberjack, doesn't it? Terrific, it's a lumberjack and we're not okay! Though so far, as I write this, it's still sitting in the Caribbean and hasn't entered the Gulf of Mexico just yet.

Though weather updates aside, I suppose I should keep you up to date with myself as well. Since then I've rid myself of my psycho of a bipolar ex-girlfriend Amanda. Had a wonderful relationship with the next girlfriend/fiancée Sarah who a mere matter of months ago decided that she no longer felt she was in love with me. She said it was her not me and that I did nothing wrong in the relationship. What was the problem here? I have no idea. But let me back track and tell you about that relationship. I moved her out here from California (SoCal to be specific) around the end of May 2006. So yes, I got to go to California. I took the Greyhound so I got to see a lot of states along the way. As nice as California is, I find it a tad over rated. The hype outweighs the actual coolness factor. I'll take the French Quarter over Hollywood any day. On the way back out to Louisiana (we drove her car back by the way) we stopped in Las Vegas. Now that place does deserve the hype it gets. You don't even have to gamble to enjoy the coolness factor. The hotels' architecture and all the cool stuff they put in those places is worth just being able to look around at all of it. I saw Luxor in all its Egyptian style awesomeness. Then there's Excalibur in all its medieval bad assery. Then there was Caesar's Palace in all its palatial Roman splendor. I proposed to her there, her favorite hotel in Vegas by her favorite fountain in the place. Yes I'm a damn romantic, get over it already.

The drive back was exhausting but I have to admit it was fun. We almost ran out of gas in Dolan, Arizona. Let me tell you there are places in this country that there is just nothing for miles. Do NOT run out of gas in these places. Dolan, Arizona is one of said places. We drove and drove ever closer to Empty, till we finally just decided to take the next road off the side. Finally, we come across the most rink dink little old gas station that time has forgotten. I go to the door to try and pay for gas and it's locked. The place closed at 5:00pm it was 5:05 pm. I go back to the car tell her it's closed. We figure at worst we wait till they open again in the morning and sleep in the car. I see someone else try the same routine of finding out the place is closed. I see there are still employees inside at this point. So I go back over there and plead through a crack in the door for any gas at all. The guy behind the door says ok but exact change only. I say, "I don't care.” here just give me as much as $20 will get me". So I slip it through the door and we had fuel again! I seriously think I may have paid almost $5 dollars a gallon. I'll never really know, though it got us out of there and further along back to civilization.

Then we drove through Texas. I fucking HATE Texas. It took forever to drive through. The only cool thing about Texas is that they have camels. Yes, I said camels! We were driving down I-20 and we were so fried from the heat we thought we were hallucinating. We basically said to each other, "Gee, those trees look like they belong in "The Lion King". Hey those horses look like, um, say those aren't horses... Camels? Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Ok good, just checking." Then by the time we got to Dallas/Ft. Worth I was so damn tired all you had to do was look at me the wrong way to piss me off. Needless to say everyone we saw at the McDonald's we stopped at was pissing me off, which furthered my hatred for all things Texan.

Finally, we got back to Louisiana and I could have kissed the ground were it not for how gross that would be. I enjoy traveling but I don't think I'd want to live outside of Louisiana again, unless maybe it was Amsterdam.

As for the relationship itself, apart from the break up and the now deterioration of what's left of us "trying to be friends" after the break up. By the way, I don't do "let's be friends" very well, so that was really to be expected. I have to admit it was good while it lasted. And it also got me further introduced to the furry community. Yes, I'm one of those damn furries. Again, get over it. You motherfuckers know you like cartoons with critters in it too... hell, you read the strips with Elwood get the fuck over yourselves! So where was I? Oh yeah, I'm a fox to be specific a red fox with a blue mohawk and blue tail tip... I go by Schlager Fuchs. Schlager as in Gold Schlager (it would have been Jager but apparently there's already a lot of Jagers around) and Fuchs is the German word for fox. I'm half German and I like to drink, got it? Good deal. So, being in the furry community, for a little over two years now I can say I've made some great friends. More folks to add to my extended family. I'll tell you I have more friends that are better family to me than some of my actual family. So if you still think furries are sick bastards who do horrible things, think again.

So here I am post break up and still have Sarah living here because I'm too nice of a fucker to just kick anyone to the curb, literally. She's saving up to move back to California by the end of the year. Meanwhile, after much protest to everyone telling me to move on and find someone new... someone new found me. Her name is Tiffany and (gasp) she only lives two hours from me, in the same state at that! It's nice to finally have a local girl and a sweet, pretty little Cajun one at that. She's also a furry, she goes by Sparks. She's a cat (white with black hair). Apparently, I have a thing for cat girls. Sarah was a cat as well. She found me through Google of all things. She then contacted me via MySpace. We have so much in common it's almost eerie. Even though I wasn't looking for anyone I just couldn't pass up the opportunity. We met up in person at Mecha Con (anime convention here in town). That was our first weekend we spent together and it was amazing. Then just this past weekend she stayed here with me while we had the place to ourselves. Things keep getting better so far. I have no plans to propose as of yet. I want to wait at least a year before I decide to think about doing that. Thus, you are currently updated on your intrepid hero.

That's what Friends are For

I've been told the children are our future, teach them well and blah, blah, blah. I'm probably the last person you should be looking to for advice on childhood development. My ideas on child raising are pretty strict, I firmly believe that children should be seen and not heard, and possibly not even seen.

I think that iron clad discipline is essential. There can be no running around, no kicking, no screaming, no fighting, no biting, no shenanigans of any kind. This discipline must be maintained from birth or the child's eventual rebellion will force discipline to escalate into violence, and that is not something I advocate. Parents should begin educating their children as soon as they can focus their eyes. A child should be able to read easily without aid by age 6. I don't believe in frivolous toys for children, books and educational toys and games should be sufficient until the teenage years.

I hope I'm getting my point across here. My point is that I am probably not the best person to be raising your children. I have very little patience when it comes to children and I have impossibly high standards when it comes to behavior and education. Somehow though, more and more often, your children's upbringing is being forced into my hands. Every day I am required to stand guard against your children's exposure to inappropriate material. This is not a duty I take lightly, I work very hard to make sure that you as parents are informed and involved in your children's choices in video games. I enforce age restrictions, I demand parental consent, I even take the time to explain offensive content to parents who don't quite seem to know what it is they are buying for their progeny. I am required to do these things by an absolute policy at my store to uphold the Entertainment Software Ratings System. One tiny mistake on my part or on the part of one of my employees and we are terminated, no appeal, no discussion. This is not why I do this, I do it because I believe in informed consent when it comes to parents choosing games for their children.

My efforts aren't enough though. Every day I am exposed to the worst in children. Loud, violent, destructive children; children with no respect for the authority or property of others. Children that could turn the Supernanny house into the Jonestown compound in less than 24 hours. I see parents who ignore their hell spawn's destructive rampages, and expect me to be the cleanup crew. I see parents who become agitated and sometimes even violent when I attempt to warn them about games that glorify violence and murder, or objectify the sexes. I see children who lie to their parents about a game's content, and then believe them over me when I point out their inaccuracies, me, a man who has worked in this industry for eight years and has played through most of these games. I obviously have no idea what I am talking about. These same parents who every year sue my company for inciting their kids to horrific acts of violence. Even though it was certainly the parents who purchased these games for their children. Every time some kid shoots up his school or commits a hate crime parents try to alleviate their guilt by projecting it onto people like me.

I don't want people to come away from this thinking that I am opposed to mature rated games. Quite the opposite in fact. I enjoy most of the games that I gleefully snatch from the hand of minors every day. Free speech is important and the game companies should be able to make whatever they want. I have the benefit of being an adult with a fully developed sense of right and wrong. Most children lack this virtue, when your children are raised to believe that imitation equals popularity then you must expect them to mimic whatever you expose them to. The right of free speech carries with it a duty to ensure that your audience has the education needed to understand your product and all of the implications of it's content.

The real reason I'm talking about this today is this fall's election. I could care less about most of the issues separating McCain and Obama. Unfortunately both camps have had very little to say on the subject of game regulation. The real test comes in their choice of running mates. Both candidates have potential vice presidents who have been very outspoken in the realm of mature content in games. These being Mitt Romney [R] and Hillary Clinton [D]. Either of their presence in the white house could lead to legislation that suddenly places felony liability on myself and others like me to defend the innocence of America's youth. I believe in this ideal, but I cannot abide the concept of a decade in prison and hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines because little Jimmy snuck one past someone in my store. Mistakes happen and you cant expect anyone to be perfect, especially those who make minimum wage.

This issue probably wont be on the minds of Americans come this November, but it will certainly be foremost in my mind, and hopefully after reading this it might be on a few of yours.

As a side note to anyone who still thinks I should be raising their children. ARE YOU INSANE? GET THOSE BRATS AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I SNAP! You have been warned.

Krakhaus

(Yes, folks... That's Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska.)

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Nephilim/Maverick '08

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By Meesh

That's what Friends are For

The Terribly Wrong Online News